ruth relationships

by Mil Laursen

​Over the summer, one of my fellow interns suggested that I use Ruth Chapter 1 as a bible study before taking my kids to relational sites. This bible study soon became my favorite, and I find that it is applicable to so many relationships in my life, both within AYM and out. 

In Ruth Chapter 1,  Naomi experienced unimaginable tragedy as both her husband and her sons fall ill and die. Left without property, income, or any rights, Naomi and her two daughters in law head to Bethelehem… but then, Naomi pleads with them to leave her to her poverty and heartbreak and to move on with their lives, remarry, start new families, and forget about her. She does this out of love as she doesn’t want her own hardships to hold her daughters in law back as well. 

But Ruth refuses to leave Naomi. Though the hand of God has turned against Naomi, Ruth assures her that she will stay with her no matter what, and will experience life with Naomi for as long as they both live. I’ve never truly believed that the hand of God had turned against me… but many people I met this summer would have said that the hand of God had turned against them. In this text, Ruth is a true friend who doesn’t deny this, doesn’t correct Naomi’s theology, doesn’t assure her of brighter days ahead or downplay her despair… She just sits with Naomi, in her pain, in her sadness, feeling it with her and assuring her of her steadfast friendship through a hard time.

While working at different relational sites this summer like Haywood Street congregation and 12 Baskets, I met so many people who quickly became my friends… and so many of them had problems so complex that there wasn’t a single, quick and easy answer. And as hard as it may have been to accept (both for them and for me), these problems might never be “fixed”. 

This was a hard pill for me to swallow; I’m the type of person who just instinctively tries to stay optimistic and “fix it” no matter what. When something goes wrong, I say, “It will be okay!” before I even think about it. As a white person with a supportive family and ample resources and a college education, things usually will turn out ok for me. But for people living on the margins of our society, whose lives and identities and futures are not prioritized by our culture, things won’t always be ok. I had to struggle against my instincts to reassure folks that things would get better. I had to catch myself before I added some glib optimistic reassurance when people told me their stories. I had to learn how to be more like Ruth, and just sit with folks in their despair. It’s an uncomfortable place to be, especially if you’re like me and you never want anyone to be sad or mad or hurting EVER. But that’s just not reality. 

I can never know what it is like to lose my four year old child and be struggling with addiction. I will never know what it is like for my home to get swept away in a hurricane. I will never know what it is like to have to sleep on concrete and protect myself from violence with nothing but a baseball bat. But I do know what it’s like to feel alone, and I know how to give hugs and how to ask meaningful questions like “what are you most proud of about your daughter?” and “What brings you joy?” and “How are you coping with your hip replacement surgery?”. I know how to sit in silence with a friend that doesn’t really want to talk or isn’t in the same mental reality as me. I know how to read poetry to Ms. Ethel who can’t see real well and lost her reading glasses. I know how to give big hugs to Eva and make sure I say hey to her every time I see her around Ahope, or Haywood Street, or on the streets. I know how to sit and listen to Chris tell me the same story he’s told a thousand times about hiking the Appalachian Trail. I know how to hold an adult leader that can’t stop crying because they’ve finally been hit with the hurt of the world.
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 Sometimes, it was really hard to stay in the heavy space with people. It would have been really easy to walk out of the room that was thick with exhaustion and anger and sadness. But staying with my friends, no matter their mood or circumstance, and being a Ruth for them, reminded them and me that we are worth more than our bad days. Ruth wasn’t a fairweather friend. If these folks only had fairweather friends, it is likely that many of them wouldn’t have friends at all. Jesus was never a fairweather friend either, and He sacrificed his life for us, just as Ruth gave up her future for Naomi, to remind us that we are worthy of love even in our darkest moments… and that sometimes, sacrificing time and comfortability in order to sit with someone in their despair is what real Siblings are called to do. AYM taught me so much about using my voice to uplift others and loudly opposing injustice, but most importantly, AYM taught me the value of staying quiet, staying present, and loving others deeply and consistently just through the small acts of friendship. 

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